All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
FUCK WHALES
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