i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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