just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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