Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize