break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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