I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
