does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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