What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
