Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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