I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
A+ Viking dick
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
