Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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