Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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