ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
