Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
