no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
