Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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