none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
