So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
