I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
