I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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