dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
