your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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