My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
