I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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