Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
