Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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