So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
