you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
