For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
