he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
