Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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