I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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