Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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