If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm too high and old for this...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
