I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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