just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
