Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
