Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
