I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
