Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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