i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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