hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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