and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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