What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize