Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
