How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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