I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
