so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
