did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i love accidental penises.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
