in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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