Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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