Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
