my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
