If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
