So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
