how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
