You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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