I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
