If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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