I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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