I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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