my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
