used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
