She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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