After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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