Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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