yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
