I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize