I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
