is wine microwaveable?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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