I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
