Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
