Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
